Topics
281 parenting decisions, from pregnancy to the teen years
Each page explains one decision in plain language: what it is, the options parents choose between, what the evidence says, and questions to ask each other.
Browse by stage
How we work as a team
Before any single choice: how the two of you decide, what you each want to repeat or avoid, and who does what.
How we decide together
Who decides what, how ties break, and what each of you wants to repeat or avoid from your own childhood.
- Family-of-origin reflection
- Major versus day-to-day decision rights
- Tie-breaking when we disagree
- United front
- Standards and gatekeeping
- Feedback on each other's parenting
- Disagreeing in front of the child
- Default source of guidance
- Shared developmental expectations
- Information symmetry
- Preparing together
- Revisiting agreements
Parenting philosophy and goals
Warm and firm, child-led or structured — and what you're ultimately raising your child for.
Roles, work and the couple
Who does what, who scales back at work, and how you protect your relationship once there are three of you.
- Partnership model
- Who scales back at work
- Parental leave length
- How leave is split
- Night duty
- Mental load and task ownership
- Default parent for sick days, school and doctor
- Protecting the couple relationship
- Intimacy after the birth
- Each parent's own time and identity
- Burnout prevention
- When one parent travels or works long hours
Pregnancy to first birthday
The birth, the first medical choices, feeding, sleep and daily care — many with real deadlines.
Pregnancy, birth and arrival
Care provider, birth setting, pain plan, visitors and the postpartum weeks.
- Prenatal genetic and carrier screening
- Vaccines in pregnancy and the RSV route
- Care provider and labor support
- Birth setting
- Midwife or doctor
- Choosing a hospital and what to ask
- Planning a home birth
- Water birth
- Pain management and preparation method
- Elective induction at 39 weeks
- Cesarean on request
- Delayed cord clamping
- Cord blood
- Placenta
- Finding out the sex
- Birth plan philosophy
- Who is in the room
- Announcing the pregnancy and the birth
- Naming and surname
- Visitors and the first weeks
- Postpartum support model
- Postpartum mental-health plan for both parents
Newborn medical choices
Vitamin K, vaccines, circumcision and the other decisions made in the first hours and days.
Feeding the baby
Breast, formula or both, pumping, bottles — and how to start solids, including baby-led weaning.
Sleep
Where baby sleeps, how safe sleep works, and whether and how to sleep-train.
Everyday baby care
Babywearing, diapering, gear, monitors and how quickly to respond to crying.
Raising the child
Discipline, emotions, food, health and safety — the everyday calls that fill a childhood.
Discipline and behavior
Time-outs, consequences, rewards, yelling, tantrums — the area couples disagree about most.
Emotions and resilience
How you respond to big feelings, fear, failure and frustration.
Food and eating
Picky eaters, sweets, family meals and how food talk shapes a child's relationship with eating.
Health, body and toileting
Potty training, doctors, dental care, body privacy, consent and puberty.
- Childhood and teen vaccines (annual flu and COVID, HPV timing)
- Medication philosophy for common illness
- Complementary and alternative medicine
- Fluoride
- Dental care and thumb or pacifier weaning
- Toilet-training approach
- Toilet-training motivation and setbacks
- Night dryness and bedwetting
- Body vocabulary
- Affection and consent
- Nudity and privacy at home
- Puberty talks
- Hygiene autonomy
- Sun exposure
- Elective procedures (orthodontic, cosmetic, ear piercing)
Safety, risk and independence
How much risk is okay, from baby-proofing and car seats to guns and walking to school alone.
Learning & the wider world
Childcare, school, play, screens and the teen years.
Childcare and early learning
Who cares for baby while you work, when to start, and which early-learning philosophy fits.
- Who provides care in the first years
- Type of non-parental care
- Age at starting group care
- Hours in care
- Babysitters and who may care for the child
- Overnights away from the baby
- Whether and when to do preschool
- Preschool philosophy
- Early academics or play
- Kindergarten entry timing
- Baby and toddler classes
- Toy philosophy
School and academics
Public, private or home; homework, grades, tutoring and what comes after high school.
- School sector
- Language of instruction
- Home-based and self-directed schooling
- Pedagogical tradition
- School-choice criteria
- Moving house for schools
- A child who is ahead
- Learning or developmental concerns
- Single-sex or co-ed
- Boarding school
- Involvement at school
- Homework involvement
- Homework in the early grades
- Grade expectations
- Rewards and consequences for grades
- Growth-mindset and grit messaging
- Tutoring and test preparation
- Post-secondary expectations
Play, activities and enrichment
Free play versus scheduled activities, sports, music, camps and languages at home.
Screens, phones and digital life
Screen time, first phone, social media, games, AI — and what you post about your child.
- Posting the child's photos
- Parents' own phone use
- Screens before age 2
- Daily limits, ages 2-5
- How limits are set, ages 6-12
- Content, co-viewing and background TV
- Screens as a tool (meals, cars, restaurants, meltdowns)
- Personal tablet, YouTube and short video
- Video games: time, violence, online chat
- Parental controls and a family media plan
- First device and first smartphone
- Social media start age
- Acting alone or with other parents
- Phones in bedrooms and at school
- Monitoring messages and location
- AI companions and chatbots
- AI for schoolwork
- Online safety, sexting and pornography
The teen years
Dating, alcohol, driving, privacy, mental health and how you'll talk about sex and identity.
- Default autonomy stance
- Sex education at home: timing
- Sex education: message
- Dating age and rules
- A partner sleeping over
- Contraception access
- Alcohol
- Cannabis, vaping and other drugs
- Parties and curfews
- Driving
- Car access and costs
- Teen jobs
- Appearance: hair, clothes, piercings, tattoos
- Friends the parents dislike
- Teen privacy and confidential care
- If a child comes out or questions gender
The family system
Money, values, grandparents, siblings and the plans nobody wants to make — but everyone is glad they did.
Money, chores and responsibility
Allowance, chores, college funds and how much to spend on kids.
- Baby budget and income drop
- Education savings
- Allowance model
- The child's money: structure and tools
- Money transparency
- Spending on the child and materialism
- Birthdays and gifts
- Chore philosophy
- Chore start age and enforcement
- Self-care skills timeline
- Who pays for big items (phone, car, university)
- Investing lessons and inheritance
Values, character and family culture
Which values come first, honesty and Santa, hard conversations and family rituals.
- Honesty standard for parents
- Santa, the Tooth Fairy and other magical beings
- Manners
- Gratitude, thank-you notes and tact
- Swearing
- Gendered toys, clothes and expectations
- Race, class and privilege
- Politics and worldview
- Meaning without religion
- Death, hard news and hard questions
- Giving, service and civic life
- Bullying and friendships
- Family rituals and traditions
- Pets
- Family travel
Extended family and community
Grandparents' role and boundaries, holidays, heritage and building your village.
Family size and siblings
How many children, how far apart, and how to handle fairness and rivalry.
Legal, financial and "what if" planning
Wills, guardianship, insurance and the contingencies nobody likes to plan for.
- Will and guardian nomination
- Life and disability insurance, beneficiaries, emergency fund
- Prematurity, NICU and birth complications
- Pregnancy loss
- Special needs, disability and neurodivergence
- If the child is not who we expected (temperament, interests, ability, gender expression)
- Major life disruptions (job loss, serious illness, death of a parent, ageing grandparents, moving)
- Travel consent, passports and relocation
- If we separate