Affection and consent

Affection and consent: what are the options?

Parents usually land on one of these 3 approaches.

1. 1. Child always chooses (no forced hugs)

   The child decides every time whether to hug or kiss someone.

2. 2. Encouraged, not forced

   You encourage affection but never make the child do it.

3. 3. Expected as manners with relatives

   The child is expected to hug or kiss relatives as good manners.

Affection and consent: what does the evidence say?

Evidence leans one way. Research or guidance points in a direction, but it's thin, small or correlational. (Leans; cultural values)

AAP: children may decline hugs and kisses, even from grandparents

Sources

• Contemporary Pediatrics

What else is worth knowing?

Letting a child refuse a hug teaches them that their body is their own. Some relatives see refusal as rude. You can offer alternatives such as a wave or a high-five.

Questions to ask each other

• How do we feel when our child does not want to hug a relative?
• What will we say to relatives who expect a kiss?
• How will we teach our child that their body is theirs?

More in Health, body and toileting

• Childhood and teen vaccines (annual flu and COVID, HPV timing)
• Medication philosophy for common illness
• Complementary and alternative medicine
• Fluoride
• Dental care and thumb or pacifier weaning
• Toilet-training approach
• Toilet-training motivation and setbacks
• Night dryness and bedwetting
• Body vocabulary
• Nudity and privacy at home
• Puberty talks
• Hygiene autonomy
• Sun exposure
• Elective procedures (orthodontic, cosmetic, ear piercing)