Apologies
Whether you require a child to say sorry on the spot, coach them to, model it, or leave it to them.
Should we make our child say sorry?
In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Require one on the spot; Prompt and coach, do not force; Model and make amends later; Leave to the child. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: preschool.
Apologies: what are the options?
Parents usually land on one of these 4 approaches.
1. Require one on the spot
The child must say sorry right away.
2. Prompt and coach, do not force
You suggest and help with an apology but do not insist.
3. Model and make amends later
You show how to apologize yourself and help the child make up for it later.
4. Leave to the child
The child decides whether and when to apologize.
Apologies: what does the evidence say?
Your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.
Children aged 4-9 did not see coerced apologies as sincere
Sources
What else is worth knowing?
A forced sorry may teach the words without the feeling. Others see the ritual itself as part of learning manners. Showing a child how to make amends is another route.
Questions to ask each other
- Do we want our child to say sorry even if they do not mean it?
- How do we model apologizing ourselves?
- What would we do if our child refuses?
More in Discipline and behavior
First published 2026-10-03. Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical advice.