Backtalk
How you respond when a child answers back or speaks disrespectfully: zero tolerance, correcting the tone, or letting some of it go.
How should we respond to backtalk?
In short: Parents choose between 3 main approaches: Zero tolerance; Acknowledge the feeling, correct the tone; Ignore the tone. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: school age.
- Evidence
- Your call
- Best settled
- School age
- Part of
- Raising the child
Backtalk: what are the options?
Parents usually land on one of these 3 approaches.
1. Zero tolerance
Answering back is never allowed.
2. Acknowledge the feeling, correct the tone
You accept the feeling behind it and ask for a respectful tone.
3. Ignore the tone
You let the tone go and respond to the content.
Backtalk: what does the evidence say?
Your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.
No outcome research gathered on this yet — treat it as a preference.
What else is worth knowing?
Answering back is common as children test independence. Families differ on where a child having an opinion ends and disrespect begins. Naming your line in advance helps you respond consistently.
Questions to ask each other
- What counts as disrespect to us, and what is just a child having an opinion?
- How did we respond to our own parents back then?
- What would we do the first time our child tells us no with an attitude?
More in Discipline and behavior
First published 2026-10-03. Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical advice.