Yelling and harsh words
Whether you raise your voice or use harsh words when frustrated, and what you do afterward.
What do we do about yelling at our child?
In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Never raise a voice; Loud only for safety; It happens, then repair; An accepted tool. Evidence: well established. Guidance and evidence agree. The real question is whether you'll follow it. Best settled: toddler.
- Evidence
- Well established
- Best settled
- Toddler
- Part of
- Raising the child
Yelling and harsh words: what are the options?
Parents usually land on one of these 4 approaches.
1. Never raise a voice
You aim never to shout.
2. Loud only for safety
You raise your voice only to stop danger.
3. It happens, then repair
You accept that you will sometimes shout, and you apologize and reconnect afterward.
4. An accepted tool
Shouting is a normal part of discipline in your home.
Yelling and harsh words: what does the evidence say?
Well established. Guidance and evidence agree. The real question is whether you'll follow it. (Settled against shaming; yelling-then-repair is values)
AAP: harsh verbal discipline does not work and does harm; at 13 it predicted more conduct problems and depressive symptoms
Sources
What else is worth knowing?
Almost every parent raises their voice sometimes. Pediatric guidance advises against shaming and harsh verbal discipline. What you do afterward, such as apologizing and reconnecting, is as much a part of the choice as whether you shout.
Questions to ask each other
- What does yelling look like in each of our families?
- What do we do when we lose our temper?
- How would we want to repair it with our child afterward?
More in Discipline and behavior
First published 2026-10-03. Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical advice.