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If we separate

Agreeing in advance on the principles you would follow if you ever separated, such as putting your child first and using mediation before court, and whether to write them down.

How would we co-parent if we separated?

In short: Parents choose between 3 main approaches: Not discussed; Shared principles (child first, mediation before court); Written agreement. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: ongoing.

Evidence
Your call
Best settled
Ongoing
Part of
The family system

If we separate: what are the options?

Parents usually land on one of these 3 approaches.

  1. 1. Not discussed

    You have not talked about it.

  2. 2. Shared principles (child first, mediation before court)

    You have agreed on basics, such as putting the child first and trying mediation before going to court.

  3. 3. Written agreement

    You have a signed document setting out what would happen.

If we separate: what does the evidence say?

Your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.

Courts require a dispute-resolution step; Triple P has a separate program for family transitions )

Sources

What else is worth knowing?

No couple expects to separate, and some do. Agreeing in calm times on how you would treat each other and the child can make a great difference. This can be a short conversation about principles.

Questions to ask each other

  • What principles would we agree on to keep our child first?
  • Would we want to commit to mediation before court?
  • Would writing it down feel hopeful or frightening?

More in Legal, financial and "what if" planning

First published 2026-10-03. Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical advice.