Family size and siblings: 7 decisions to make together
How many children, how far apart, and how to handle fairness and rivalry.
1. Number of children, and when we are done
How many children you each want and how you decide when your family is complete.
4 options · Your call · During pregnancy
2. Spacing
How far apart you would like your children to be: close together, moderately spaced or wide apart.
3 options · Evidence leans one way · 6–12 months
3. How the family grows
How your family might grow: biologically only, or also through adoption, fostering or fertility treatment.
4 options · Your call · During pregnancy
4. Sibling conflict
How you respond when siblings fight: staying out, coaching and mediating, judging and imposing a solution, or separating them.
4 options · Evidence leans one way · Toddler
5. Fairness between siblings
Whether you treat siblings strictly equally, give each what they need, or set privileges by age and stage.
3 options · Evidence leans one way · Toddler
6. Comparisons, labels and birth-order roles
Whether you avoid comparing children and labels like "the smart one," use positive labels only, or give the eldest more responsibility.
4 options · Evidence leans one way · Toddler
7. Room sharing
Whether siblings have their own rooms or share, and by what rule: age, gender, or choice.
4 options · Your call · Toddler