34 parenting questions where experts disagree
Credible bodies or researchers disagree — decide whose guidance you'll weigh.
In short
Of the 281 parenting decisions in Raising Your Child, 34 (12%) carry the label “Experts disagree”. The label is our reading of official guidance and published research for each decision. See the full breakdown.
- Well established (32)
- Evidence leans one way (77)
- Experts disagree (34)
- Guidance changing (5)
- New territory (1)
- Your call (132)
Parenting philosophy and goals
- How behavior changes
Your theory of how children learn to behave: through rewards and consequences, through a mix, or through the relationship and teaching skills.
3 options · Experts disagree · Toddler
- Protection versus independence
How much you protect your child from difficulty and risk versus how much you let them try, struggle and sometimes fail on their own.
4 options · Experts disagree · Toddler
Pregnancy, birth and arrival
- Birth setting
Where you want to give birth: a hospital, a birth center attached to a hospital, a freestanding birth center, or at home.
4 options · Experts disagree · During pregnancy
- Planning a home birth
Whether you would plan to give birth at home with a trained attendant.
4 options · Experts disagree · During pregnancy
- Water birth
Whether you would use a tub or pool in labor, and whether you would plan to actually deliver the baby underwater.
3 options · Experts disagree · During pregnancy
- Elective induction at 39 weeks
Induction means using medication or other methods to start labor rather than waiting for it to begin.
4 options · Experts disagree · During pregnancy
Newborn medical choices
- Erythromycin eye ointment
Whether your newborn receives antibiotic ointment in the eyes soon after birth, a routine step in many hospitals meant to prevent certain eye infections.
3 options · Experts disagree · Around the birth
- Circumcision
Whether to have a baby boy's foreskin removed in the newborn period, or to leave it and let him decide later.
3 options · Experts disagree · During pregnancy
Feeding the baby
- Milk source
What your baby drinks in the first months: breast milk (from the breast or a bottle), formula, or a mix.
4 options · Experts disagree · During pregnancy
Sleep
- Room-sharing duration
How long your baby sleeps in the same room as you (in a separate bed) before moving to their own room.
4 options · Experts disagree · During pregnancy
- Bed-sharing
Bed-sharing means your baby sleeps in the same bed as an adult.
4 options · Experts disagree · During pregnancy
Discipline and behavior
- Time-out or time-in
How you respond when a child is out of control: a time-out (the child is separated for a short time), a time-in (you stay with them and talk), or something else.
4 options · Experts disagree · Toddler
- Consequences
What happens after a child breaks a rule: letting natural results happen, a related consequence, taking away a privilege, an unrelated punishment, or solving the problem together.
5 options · Experts disagree · Toddler
- Rewards and sticker charts
Whether you use rewards, like stickers or treats, to encourage behavior, or avoid them.
4 options · Experts disagree · Toddler
- Praise
How you tell a child they have done well: lots of enthusiastic praise, specific praise, praise for effort, or low-key acknowledgment.
5 options · Experts disagree · Toddler
- Tantrums
How you respond when a toddler has a meltdown: ignoring it, staying nearby, helping them name the feeling, distracting them, or giving in.
5 options · Experts disagree · Toddler
Emotions and resilience
- Struggle, frustration and failure
How much you let your child struggle and fail before helping, from clearing every obstacle to deliberately toughening them up.
5 options · Experts disagree · Toddler
Food and eating
- Who controls what and how much
Who decides what a child eats and how much.
4 options · Experts disagree · 6–12 months
- Dessert and sweets
How sweets fit into meals: earned by eating dinner, scheduled and limited, served alongside the meal, unrestricted, or avoided entirely in the early years.
5 options · Experts disagree · Toddler
- Family dietary pattern
The overall way your family eats: omnivore, mostly vegetarian with some meat, vegetarian, or vegan.
4 options · Experts disagree · 6–12 months
Safety, risk and independence
- Overall risk philosophy
How much risk you will accept in everyday childhood, from keeping children as safe as possible to letting them take supervised or free-ranging risks.
4 options · Experts disagree · Toddler
- Trampolines
Whether you allow home trampolines and under what rules, such as nets, one jumper at a time, and supervision.
3 options · Experts disagree · Preschool
- Contact and collision sports
Whether your child plays sports with tackling or collisions, and at what age, such as football, hockey or soccer heading.
3 options · Experts disagree · School age
Childcare and early learning
- Age at starting group care
How old your child is when they start spending time in group care, from under six months to not until preschool.
5 options · Experts disagree · During pregnancy
- Whether and when to do preschool
Whether your child attends preschool before kindergarten, and how many days and what kind.
5 options · Experts disagree · Toddler
- Early academics or play
Whether young children are taught letters and numbers early or spend their time playing, with formal learning starting later.
4 options · Experts disagree · Preschool
- Kindergarten entry timing
Whether your child starts kindergarten as soon as they are old enough or a year later, which matters most for children with summer birthdays.
5 options · Experts disagree · Preschool
School and academics
- Learning or developmental concerns
How you would respond if you suspect a learning difficulty or developmental difference: watching, informal support, school assessment or a private one.
5 options · Experts disagree · School age
- Growth-mindset and grit messaging
A growth mindset is the idea that abilities grow with effort and practice; grit is sticking with long-term goals.
3 options · Experts disagree · School age
Screens, phones and digital life
- Daily limits, ages 2-5
How you limit screens for preschoolers: a fixed time cap, a soft cap with quality rules, or no clock and judging by the AAP's five questions (Child, Content, Calm, Crowding Out, Communication).
4 options · Experts disagree · Toddler
- Video games: time, violence, online chat
Which games, how long, and whether your child can play and chat online with others.
6 options · Experts disagree · School age
- First device and first smartphone
When your child gets their first phone and what kind, from a smartwatch or basic phone to a full smartphone.
4 options · Experts disagree · Tween
The teen years
- If a child comes out or questions gender
How you would respond if your child tells you they are gay or transgender, or are questioning their gender identity.
4 options · Experts disagree · Tween
Money, chores and responsibility
- Allowance model
Whether your child gets regular pocket money and on what terms: none, a set amount unconditionally, pay tied to chores, or a mix where basic chores are unpaid and extra jobs earn money.
5 options · Experts disagree · School age
Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical advice.