Rules at the grandparents' house, and when they are ignored
What happens when grandparents follow different rules from yours about treats, screens, bedtimes or safety, and how you set boundaries.
What do we do when grandparents ignore our rules?
In short: Parents choose between 3 main approaches: Their house, their rules; Flexible on treats and screens, firm on safety and a short list of values; Our rules everywhere. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: during pregnancy.
- Evidence
- Your call
- Best settled
- During pregnancy
- Part of
- The family system
Rules at the grandparents' house, and when they are ignored: what are the options?
Parents usually land on one of these 3 approaches.
1. Their house, their rules
Grandparents set the rules in their own home.
2. Flexible on treats and screens, firm on safety and a short list of values
You relax about sweets and screens and insist on safety and a few core values.
3. Our rules everywhere
Your rules apply wherever the child is.
Rules at the grandparents' house, and when they are ignored: what does the evidence say?
Your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.
Asked to change, 47% of grandparents did, 36% agreed but did not, 17% refused
Sources
What else is worth knowing?
Grandparents often do things differently, from sweets to screens to bedtimes. Parents choose which rules must hold everywhere and which can bend. Safety rules, such as safe sleep and car seats, are the ones most worth insisting on.
Questions to ask each other
- Which rules must grandparents follow and which can bend?
- How will we bring it up?
- What would we do if they do not follow a safety rule?
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First published 2026-10-03. Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical advice.