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The teen years: 16 decisions to make together

Dating, alcohol, driving, privacy, mental health and how you'll talk about sex and identity.

  1. 1. Default autonomy stance

    Your general approach to how much your teenager decides for themselves: you decide, negotiate expanding freedom, or let them run their own domain.

    3 options · Your call · Tween

  2. 2. Sex education at home: timing

    When you talk with your child about sex: one big talk near puberty, answering when asked, many small talks from early childhood, or leaving it to school.

    4 options · Evidence leans one way · Preschool

  3. 3. Sex education: message

    What you tell your teen about sex: abstinence, delaying while knowing about contraception, comprehensive and consent-focused, or a readiness-based approach.

    4 options · Well established · Tween

  4. 4. Dating age and rules

    When your teen may date and the rules around it, from no dating until 16 to group dating first to no fixed rules.

    4 options · Your call · Tween

  5. 5. A partner sleeping over

    Whether a teen's boyfriend or girlfriend may stay the night at your home.

    4 options · Your call · Teen

  6. 6. Contraception access

    Whether and how your teen can get contraception: not provided, available if asked, arranged proactively, or managed confidentially by the teen.

    4 options · Evidence leans one way · Teen

  7. 7. Alcohol

    What you allow around alcohol: none until the legal age, small sips on occasion, supervised drinking at home, or permissive with safety rules.

    4 options · Evidence leans one way · Teen

  8. 8. Cannabis, vaping and other drugs

    How you respond to the possibility that your teen tries drugs: zero tolerance, clear disapproval with honest information about harm, tolerance, or their choice.

    4 options · Your call · Teen

  9. 9. Parties and curfews

    How you handle going out: unsupervised parties, curfews, check-in rules, and what happens if they need a ride home.

    4 options · Evidence leans one way · Teen

  10. 10. Driving

    When and how your teen gets a license and the rules for driving, including a written family agreement.

    4 options · Well established · Teen

  11. 11. Car access and costs

    Whether your teen has their own car or shares the family car, and who pays for the car and insurance.

    3 options · Evidence leans one way · Teen

  12. 12. Teen jobs

    Whether your teen works during school years, from no job to summer only to part-time during the school year.

    4 options · Evidence leans one way · Teen

  13. 13. Appearance: hair, clothes, piercings, tattoos

    How much say your teen has over how they look, including permanent changes like tattoos.

    4 options · Your call · Tween

  14. 14. Friends the parents dislike

    How you respond when you do not like your teen's friends: forbid contact, limit and supervise, or voice concern and stay out of it.

    4 options · Your call · Tween

  15. 15. Teen privacy and confidential care

    How much privacy your teen has in their room, phone and health care, including time alone with a doctor.

    3 options · Your call · Tween

  16. 16. If a child comes out or questions gender

    How you would respond if your child tells you they are gay or transgender, or are questioning their gender identity.

    4 options · Experts disagree · Tween