39 parenting decisions for the school years
Ages 5–10. These are the decisions that come up at this stage, grouped by area.
In short
There are 39 decisions at this stage. For each one, the page linked below gives the options parents choose between, how strong the evidence is, and questions to ask each other.
Parenting philosophy and goals
- Achievement pressure
How hard you will push your child to excel at school, sports or music, from letting them lead to holding very high expectations.
4 options · Evidence leans one way · School age
Sleep
- Melatonin and sleep aids
Melatonin is a hormone the body makes to signal bedtime; it is also sold as a supplement.
3 options · Evidence leans one way · School age
Discipline and behavior
- Backtalk
How you respond when a child answers back or speaks disrespectfully: zero tolerance, correcting the tone, or letting some of it go.
3 options · Your call · School age
Emotions and resilience
- Seeking mental-health help for the child
When you would involve a professional about your child's emotions or behavior: at early signs, after the pediatrician, or only if serious.
3 options · Your call · School age
Food and eating
- Body, weight and diet talk
How you talk about bodies, weight and diets at home, from avoiding weight talk entirely to treating weight as a health measure when a doctor raises it.
3 options · Evidence leans one way · School age
Health, body and toileting
- Puberty talks
When and how you talk about puberty and bodily changes: gradually from early childhood, in one planned talk, or leaving it to school.
3 options · Evidence leans one way · School age
- Hygiene autonomy
When children take over washing and personal care themselves, and how much you supervise.
3 options · Your call · School age
- Elective procedures (orthodontic, cosmetic, ear piercing)
Which non-essential medical or cosmetic procedures you would allow for a child, such as braces for looks, cosmetic work or ear piercing.
3 options · Your call · School age
Safety, risk and independence
- Contact and collision sports
Whether your child plays sports with tackling or collisions, and at what age, such as football, hockey or soccer heading.
3 options · Experts disagree · School age
- Independence milestones (playing outside, walking to school, home alone, transit)
When your child is allowed to do things alone: play outside, walk to school, stay home, take public transport.
4 options · Your call · School age
- Sleepovers
Whether your child sleeps at other people's homes, and under what conditions.
4 options · Your call · School age
School and academics
- A child who is ahead
How you would respond if your child is far ahead of their classmates: enrichment, a gifted program, subject acceleration or skipping a grade.
5 options · Evidence leans one way · School age
- Learning or developmental concerns
How you would respond if you suspect a learning difficulty or developmental difference: watching, informal support, school assessment or a private one.
5 options · Experts disagree · School age
- Single-sex or co-ed
Whether your child attends a school with both boys and girls or a single-sex school.
3 options · Evidence leans one way · School age
- Involvement at school
How involved each of you is with your child's school: one parent handles it, you split tasks, or both attend everything.
3 options · Your call · School age
- Homework involvement
How much you help with homework: hands-off, setting the routine and space, available on request, sitting alongside, or teaching and correcting.
5 options · Evidence leans one way · School age
- Homework in the early grades
How you treat homework for young children, from opting out to doing it lightly to treating it as a firm habit.
4 options · Evidence leans one way · School age
- Grade expectations
What you expect from your child's grades: top marks, their personal best, effort over results, or leaving it to them.
4 options · Your call · School age
- Rewards and consequences for grades
Whether you pay or reward for grades, reward effort, only praise, or give consequences for poor grades.
5 options · Evidence leans one way · School age
- Growth-mindset and grit messaging
A growth mindset is the idea that abilities grow with effort and practice; grit is sticking with long-term goals.
3 options · Experts disagree · School age
- Tutoring and test preparation
Whether your child gets extra academic help: none, only when struggling, enrichment to get ahead, or ongoing programs.
4 options · Evidence leans one way · School age
Play, activities and enrichment
- Sports intensity
How serious sport becomes: not at all, just for fun, school teams, competitive clubs, or travel and elite programs.
5 options · Your call · School age
- Sampling or specializing
Whether your child tries many sports through adolescence or settles on one early and plays it year-round.
3 options · Evidence leans one way · School age
- Music lessons
Whether and when your child learns an instrument: only if they ask, a trial period, required for some years, or required with enforced practice.
4 options · Your call · School age
- Practice and quitting
What happens when your child wants to stop an activity: stop any time, finish the season, replace it with something else, or never quit core commitments.
4 options · Your call · School age
- Competition, winning and losing
How you handle competition: avoiding it when young, focusing on participation and fun, keeping score but praising effort, or treating winning as important.
4 options · Evidence leans one way · School age
- Summers and camp
How summers are spent: unstructured at home, day camps, specialty camps, sleepaway camp, or academics and work for teens.
5 options · Your call · School age
Screens, phones and digital life
- How limits are set, ages 6-12
How you set screen rules for school-age children: fixed minutes, weekday and weekend rules, rules about content and context, or letting the child regulate.
4 options · Your call · School age
- Video games: time, violence, online chat
Which games, how long, and whether your child can play and chat online with others.
6 options · Experts disagree · School age
- Parental controls and a family media plan
Whether you use control software and a written plan, light controls with conversation, or rely on trust and talking.
3 options · Your call · School age
- Acting alone or with other parents
Whether you set phone and social media rules on your own or agree on them with other parents, a pledge or the school.
4 options · Your call · School age
- AI companions and chatbots
Whether your child may use AI chatbots and companion apps, from none before 18 to supervised general assistants to open use.
4 options · New territory · School age
Money, chores and responsibility
- Allowance model
Whether your child gets regular pocket money and on what terms: none, a set amount unconditionally, pay tied to chores, or a mix where basic chores are unpaid and extra jobs earn money.
5 options · Experts disagree · School age
- The child's money: structure and tools
How your child learns to handle money: free spending, save-spend-give jars, a parent-matched savings plan, or a real bank account.
7 options · Your call · School age
- Money transparency
How much your child learns about family money: nothing, general values and trade-offs, the budget, or income and net worth.
4 options · Your call · School age
Values, character and family culture
- Politics and worldview
Whether your child hears your political and moral views, several views, or none, and how you handle disagreement within the family.
4 options · Your call · School age
- Meaning without religion
How you give your child a sense of meaning, awe and ethics outside religion: ethics conversations, nature and gratitude rituals, or a secular community.
4 options · Your call · School age
- Giving, service and civic life
How you teach giving and community involvement: not structured, a give jar and donation choices, regular family volunteering, or expected service in the teens.
4 options · Evidence leans one way · School age
- Bullying and friendships
How you respond to bullying and friendship problems: coaching your child, monitoring, going to the school, or changing the setting.
7 options · Your call · School age
Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical advice.