Sharing and toy-taking
How you handle disputes over toys: requiring sharing on request, setting timed turns, letting a child keep a toy until done, or staying out of it.
Should we make our child share?
In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Must share when asked; Adult-timed turns; "your turn until you're done"; Adults stay out unless unsafe. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: toddler.
Sharing and toy-taking: what are the options?
Parents usually land on one of these 4 approaches.
1. Must share when asked
A child must hand over a toy when another child asks.
2. Adult-timed turns
An adult sets how long each child gets.
3. "your turn until you're done"
A child keeps the toy until they are finished, then the next child has it.
4. Adults stay out unless unsafe
Children sort it out themselves unless someone may get hurt.
Sharing and toy-taking: what does the evidence say?
Your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.
Authors' opinions only
Sources
What else is worth knowing?
Young children are not yet able to share willingly, so sharing has to be taught or managed. Approaches differ on whether a child must give up a toy on request or may finish their turn. This comes up constantly at playdates.
Questions to ask each other
- How do we want to handle toys at playdates?
- Should a child have to give up a toy when asked?
- When would we step in and when would we let them sort it out?
More in Discipline and behavior
First published 2026-10-03. Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical advice.