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Parenting philosophy and goals: 7 decisions to make together

Warm and firm, child-led or structured — and what you're ultimately raising your child for.

  1. 1. Overall stance: warmth and structure

    Researchers describe parenting styles by two things: warmth and demands.

    3 options · Evidence leans one way · During pregnancy

  2. 2. How behavior changes

    Your theory of how children learn to behave: through rewards and consequences, through a mix, or through the relationship and teaching skills.

    3 options · Experts disagree · Toddler

  3. 3. Structure versus child-led

    How much of the day runs on adult-set schedules and rules versus following the child's own rhythms and interests.

    3 options · Your call · 0–6 months

  4. 4. Protection versus independence

    How much you protect your child from difficulty and risk versus how much you let them try, struggle and sometimes fail on their own.

    4 options · Experts disagree · Toddler

  5. 5. Top-priority value

    The one value you would put first if you had to choose: kindness, achievement, happiness, independence, or obedience and respect.

    5 options · Your call · During pregnancy

  6. 6. Achievement pressure

    How hard you will push your child to excel at school, sports or music, from letting them lead to holding very high expectations.

    4 options · Evidence leans one way · School age

  7. 7. Adult-centred or child-centred home

    Whether your child fits into an adult-run household or the household is organized around the child's needs and schedule.

    3 options · Your call · 0–6 months