Praise
How you tell a child they have done well: lots of enthusiastic praise, specific praise, praise for effort, or low-key acknowledgment.
How should we praise our child?
In short: Parents choose between 5 main approaches: Frequent enthusiastic praise; Specific praise of behavior; Praise for effort (Dweck); Descriptive acknowledgment (Faber and Mazlish); Minimal (Kohn). Evidence: experts disagree. Credible bodies or researchers disagree — decide whose guidance you'll weigh. Best settled: toddler.
- Evidence
- Experts disagree
- Best settled
- Toddler
- Part of
- Raising the child
Praise: what are the options?
Parents usually land on one of these 5 approaches.
1. Frequent enthusiastic praise
You praise often and warmly ("great job!").
2. Specific praise of behavior
You say exactly what the child did well.
3. Praise for effort (Dweck)
You praise how hard they tried, not how clever they are.
4. Descriptive acknowledgment (Faber and Mazlish)
You describe what you see ("you put your shoes away") without judging it.
5. Minimal (Kohn)
You keep praise rare, so the child acts for their own reasons.
Praise: what does the evidence say?
Experts disagree. Credible bodies or researchers disagree — decide whose guidance you'll weigh.
Praising intelligence undermined motivation relative to praising effort; inflated praise predicted lower self-esteem
Sources
What else is worth knowing?
Praise shapes what a child thinks is valued. Praising effort and describing what you saw are thought to encourage persistence more than praising talent. How much you praise at all is a matter of style.
Questions to ask each other
- How do we each praise our child, and does it feel natural?
- Do we want to praise results or effort?
- How will we handle it if our child gets praised for something we think is the wrong thing?
More in Discipline and behavior
First published 2026-10-03. Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical advice.