Major versus day-to-day decision rights

Major versus day-to-day decision rights: what are the options?

Parents usually land on one of these 4 approaches.

1. 1. Everything joint

   Every parenting decision, large or small, is made by both of you together.

2. 2. Majors joint, daily calls to the on-duty parent

   Big decisions need both of you; everyday calls are made by whoever is with the child at the time.

3. 3. Each parent owns domains

   Each of you is in charge of certain areas, such as health or school, and decides within them.

4. 4. One lead parent

   One parent takes the lead on most decisions and the other follows.

Major versus day-to-day decision rights: what does the evidence say?

Your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.

Court templates use the major/day-to-day split

Sources

• Maryland Courts

What else is worth knowing?

Without this split, the parent who is present ends up either waiting for permission or being second-guessed. Most couples keep a short list of big decisions for both, such as medical care, school and major rules, and trust each other with everything else. Deciding where that line sits prevents a lot of friction.

Questions to ask each other

• Which decisions feel big enough that neither of us should make them alone?
• If I make a small call while you are not around, how do you want to hear about it?
• Is there an area where one of us should simply have the final say?

More in How we decide together

• Family-of-origin reflection
• Tie-breaking when we disagree
• United front
• Standards and gatekeeping
• Feedback on each other's parenting
• Disagreeing in front of the child
• Default source of guidance
• Shared developmental expectations
• Information symmetry
• Preparing together
• Revisiting agreements