Open the app

Time-out or time-in

How you respond when a child is out of control: a time-out (the child is separated for a short time), a time-in (you stay with them and talk), or something else.

Should we use time-outs or time-ins?

In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Structured time-out (AAP, CDC); Calm-down space the child can choose; Time-in with a parent present (CPS, Positive Discipline); No separation, stay and hold the limit (Kennedy, Lansbury). Evidence: experts disagree. Credible bodies or researchers disagree — decide whose guidance you'll weigh. Best settled: toddler.

Evidence
Experts disagree
Best settled
Toddler
Part of
Raising the child

Time-out or time-in: what are the options?

Parents usually land on one of these 4 approaches.

  1. 1. Structured time-out (AAP, CDC)

    The child sits alone in a set spot for a short, fixed time after breaking a rule.

  2. 2. Calm-down space the child can choose

    There is a quiet corner the child can go to when they need to calm down.

  3. 3. Time-in with a parent present (CPS, Positive Discipline)

    You sit with the child and talk about what happened until they are calm.

  4. 4. No separation, stay and hold the limit (Kennedy, Lansbury)

    You stay close, keep the limit, and do not send the child away.

Time-out or time-in: what does the evidence say?

Experts disagree. Credible bodies or researchers disagree — decide whose guidance you'll weigh.

AAP: time-outs work best when a specific rule is broken, with a warning first, few words and little emotion, about one minute per year of age, and only for children of at least 3. CPS (posted 2019, reaffirmed April 2025) prefers time-ins, where a caregiver sits with the child and talks through feelings, but says that need not rule out selective time-outs for specific misbehavior in children over 3. A 2025 study found correctly used time-out associated with better mental health and attachment, and misuse with worse

Sources

What else is worth knowing?

A time-out removes the child from attention for a short time; a time-in keeps the parent close while the child calms down. Pediatric bodies differ on which they prefer. Both are for children old enough to understand, usually from about three.

Questions to ask each other

  • What did your parents do when you were out of control, and did it work?
  • Which feels more natural to you, separating or staying together?
  • What will we do if one of us prefers each?

More in Discipline and behavior

First published 2026-10-03. Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical advice.