Grandparents' role
How involved grandparents are in your child's life, from occasional visits to regular presence to providing childcare to living with you.
What role should grandparents play?
In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Occasional visitors; Regular weekly presence; Regular childcare providers; Co-residing. Evidence: evidence leans one way. Research or guidance points in a direction, but it's thin, small or correlational. Best settled: during pregnancy.
- Evidence
- Evidence leans one way
- Best settled
- During pregnancy
- Part of
- The family system
Grandparents' role: what are the options?
Parents usually land on one of these 4 approaches.
1. Occasional visitors
Grandparents visit now and then.
2. Regular weekly presence
Grandparents see the child every week.
3. Regular childcare providers
Grandparents look after the child on a schedule.
4. Co-residing
Grandparents live with you.
Grandparents' role: what does the evidence say?
Evidence leans one way. Research or guidance points in a direction, but it's thin, small or correlational.
In a US national poll of 2,016 parents, 89% said their child sees at least one grandparent regularly or periodically; among them 6% reported major disagreements and 37% minor ones about parenting, most often over discipline (57%), meals and snacks (44%) and screen time (36%). Forty percent said grandparents were too permissive and 14% too strict. When parents asked for changes, 47% saw them, 36% got agreement without follow-through and 17% were refused, and 15% of parents had limited visits. How involved grandparents are, and on whose terms, is a values decision best discussed with them early
Sources
What else is worth knowing?
Grandparents can be occasional visitors or part of daily life. Children generally benefit from close relationships with them. What each of you expects is often based on your own grandparents.
Questions to ask each other
- What do we each want grandparents' role to be?
- What would be too much, or too little?
- How do we tell them?
More in Extended family and community
First published 2026-10-03. Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical advice.