Tantrums
How you respond when a toddler has a meltdown: ignoring it, staying nearby, helping them name the feeling, distracting them, or giving in.
How should we handle tantrums?
In short: Parents choose between 5 main approaches: Planned ignoring (CDC); Stay nearby, quiet and available; Actively co-regulate and name feelings (CPS); Distract; Give in. Evidence: experts disagree. Credible bodies or researchers disagree — decide whose guidance you'll weigh. Best settled: toddler.
- Evidence
- Experts disagree
- Best settled
- Toddler
- Part of
- Raising the child
Tantrums: what are the options?
Parents usually land on one of these 5 approaches.
1. Planned ignoring (CDC)
You deliberately pay no attention until the tantrum ends.
2. Stay nearby, quiet and available
You stay close and calm without talking much.
3. Actively co-regulate and name feelings (CPS)
You help the child calm down and put words to what they feel.
4. Distract
You shift the child's attention to something else.
5. Give in
You let the child have what they wanted.
Tantrums: what does the evidence say?
Experts disagree. Credible bodies or researchers disagree — decide whose guidance you'll weigh.
CDC and AAP endorse ignoring minor misbehavior; CPS and Kennedy favor staying close
Sources
What else is worth knowing?
Tantrums are common in toddlers, who have strong feelings and few words. Some approaches say to ignore them so they are not rewarded; others say to stay close and help the child calm down. Giving in tends to teach that tantrums work.
Questions to ask each other
- How did our own parents handle tantrums?
- What would we do in the supermarket if our toddler melted down?
- What can we do beforehand to make tantrums less likely?
More in Discipline and behavior
First published 2026-10-03. Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical advice.