Lying
How you respond when a child lies: punishing the lie, giving credit for honesty, making truth-telling safe, or treating it as normal development.
What do we do when our child lies?
In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Punish the lie; Consequence for the act, credit for honesty; Make truth-telling safe and explain why honesty matters; Treat as developmental. Evidence: evidence leans one way. Research or guidance points in a direction, but it's thin, small or correlational. Best settled: preschool.
- Evidence
- Evidence leans one way
- Best settled
- Preschool
- Part of
- Raising the child
Lying: what are the options?
Parents usually land on one of these 4 approaches.
1. Punish the lie
Lying itself is punished.
2. Consequence for the act, credit for honesty
The misbehavior has a consequence, and telling the truth reduces it.
3. Make truth-telling safe and explain why honesty matters
You make it safe to tell the truth and talk about why honesty matters.
4. Treat as developmental
You see lying as a normal stage, especially in young children.
Lying: what does the evidence say?
Evidence leans one way. Research or guidance points in a direction, but it's thin, small or correlational. (Leans (few studies))
Threats of punishment do not deter lying; appeals to honesty's value work better
Sources
What else is worth knowing?
Young children lie as they learn the difference between what is real and what they wish. Punishing lies harshly can teach children to hide things better. Many parents focus on making it safe to tell the truth.
Questions to ask each other
- How do we each react to a lie, and why?
- How do we want our child to feel about telling us the truth?
- What lies do we tell, and what do they learn from them?
More in Discipline and behavior
First published 2026-10-03. Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical advice.