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Honesty standard for parents

How truthful you are with your child, including myths and small lies: never lying, only kind fictions, white lies, or lying to get compliance.

Is it okay for parents to lie to their children?

In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Never lie, including myths; Myths and kind fictions only; White lies acceptable; Lies to gain compliance acceptable. Evidence: evidence leans one way. Research or guidance points in a direction, but it's thin, small or correlational. Best settled: toddler.

Evidence
Evidence leans one way
Best settled
Toddler
Part of
The family system

Honesty standard for parents: what are the options?

Parents usually land on one of these 4 approaches.

  1. 1. Never lie, including myths

    You never tell the child anything untrue, including Santa.

  2. 2. Myths and kind fictions only

    You allow childhood myths and gentle fictions, and nothing else.

  3. 3. White lies acceptable

    Small untruths that spare feelings are fine.

  4. 4. Lies to gain compliance acceptable

    You will say something untrue to get the child to cooperate, such as "the park is closed".

Honesty standard for parents: what does the evidence say?

Evidence leans one way. Research or guidance points in a direction, but it's thin, small or correlational.

Most parents report lying to children; researchers caution that false threats may erode trust, on correlational evidence

Sources

What else is worth knowing?

Most parents tell children small untruths, from Santa to saying the shop is closed. Some hold a strict rule against it. What you agree here also sets what you expect from each other in front of the child.

Questions to ask each other

  • What lies did we hear as children and what did they teach us?
  • Are white lies ever okay in front of our child?
  • How would we explain it if we get caught in one?

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First published 2026-10-03. Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical advice.