Extended family and community: 9 decisions to make together
Grandparents' role and boundaries, holidays, heritage and building your village.
1. Grandparents' role
How involved grandparents are in your child's life, from occasional visits to regular presence to providing childcare to living with you.
4 options · Evidence leans one way · During pregnancy
2. Rules at the grandparents' house, and when they are ignored
What happens when grandparents follow different rules from yours about treats, screens, bedtimes or safety, and how you set boundaries.
3 options · Your call · During pregnancy
3. Unsolicited advice and who manages whose family
How you respond when relatives give advice you did not ask for, and who speaks to whose family when something needs to be said.
4 options · Your call · During pregnancy
4. Grandparent childcare
Whether grandparents provide childcare, how often, and whether it is paid or unpaid.
4 options · Your call · During pregnancy
5. Where to live
Where you choose to live in relation to family and work, including living near one set of grandparents or having relatives move closer.
4 options · Your call · During pregnancy
6. Building a village
How you build a support network beyond family: paid help, swaps with friends and neighbors, parent groups, or an intentional community.
4 options · Your call · During pregnancy
7. Holidays
How you split holidays between families: alternating years, splitting the day, hosting at home, new traditions of your own, or traveling.
5 options · Your call · Around the birth
8. Godparents and mentors
Whether you name other adults with a special role in your child's life, such as secular godparents or mentors, besides the legal guardian.
3 options · Your call · During pregnancy
9. When relatives hold different views
How you handle relatives whose beliefs or values differ from yours around your child: keeping topics off the table, letting the child hear both, explaining at home, or limiting exposure.
4 options · Your call · Preschool