Values, character and family culture: 15 decisions to make together
Which values come first, honesty and Santa, hard conversations and family rituals.
1. Honesty standard for parents
How truthful you are with your child, including myths and small lies: never lying, only kind fictions, white lies, or lying to get compliance.
4 options · Evidence leans one way · Toddler
2. Santa, the Tooth Fairy and other magical beings
Whether you tell your child that Santa and the Tooth Fairy are real, play along, call it a game, or skip the myths.
4 options · Evidence leans one way · Toddler
3. Manners
How much politeness you expect and teach: modeling it, prompting ("what do you say?"), requiring it, or formal etiquette.
4 options · Your call · Toddler
4. Gratitude, thank-you notes and tact
How you teach thanks and kindness about gifts: modeling it, a daily gratitude habit, required thank-you notes, or honest kindness.
6 options · Your call · Preschool
5. Swearing
Your family's rule on swear words, from none for anyone to adults only to rules by context.
4 options · Your call · Toddler
6. Gendered toys, clothes and expectations
Whether you follow traditional ideas about what boys and girls play with and wear, follow your child's preferences, mix deliberately, or raise children without gender expectations.
4 options · Evidence leans one way · During pregnancy
7. Race, class and privilege
Whether and how you talk with your child about race, money and unequal opportunity: not raising it, answering when asked, or proactive age-appropriate conversations.
4 options · Evidence leans one way · Preschool
8. Politics and worldview
Whether your child hears your political and moral views, several views, or none, and how you handle disagreement within the family.
4 options · Your call · School age
9. Meaning without religion
How you give your child a sense of meaning, awe and ethics outside religion: ethics conversations, nature and gratitude rituals, or a secular community.
4 options · Your call · School age
10. Death, hard news and hard questions
How you talk with your child about death, illness and frightening news: shielding them, answering simply when asked, or explaining proactively.
3 options · Your call · Preschool
11. Giving, service and civic life
How you teach giving and community involvement: not structured, a give jar and donation choices, regular family volunteering, or expected service in the teens.
4 options · Evidence leans one way · School age
12. Bullying and friendships
How you respond to bullying and friendship problems: coaching your child, monitoring, going to the school, or changing the setting.
7 options · Your call · School age
13. Family rituals and traditions
The regular practices that make your family yours, such as holidays, meals and bedtime customs, and whether you inherit them, blend both families' or invent new ones.
3 options · Evidence leans one way · Around the birth
14. Pets
Whether your family has pets and who is responsible for them, from no pet to a family pet the adults care for to the child's own pet.
4 options · Your call · During pregnancy
15. Family travel
How much travel is part of family life, from waiting until children are older to easy local trips to travel as a core value.
4 options · Your call · 6–12 months