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Appearance: hair, clothes, piercings, tattoos

How much say your teen has over how they look, including permanent changes like tattoos.

How much say do we have over our teen's hair, clothes, piercings and tattoos?

In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Parent controls until 18; Reversible changes are the teen's call; Permanent changes with consent; The teen's body. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: tween.

Evidence
Your call
Best settled
Tween
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Learning & the wider world

Appearance: hair, clothes, piercings, tattoos: what are the options?

Parents usually land on one of these 4 approaches.

  1. 1. Parent controls until 18

    You decide how the teen looks until they are eighteen.

  2. 2. Reversible changes are the teen's call

    The teen decides about hair, clothes and anything that can be undone.

  3. 3. Permanent changes with consent

    Piercings and tattoos need your permission.

  4. 4. The teen's body

    The teen makes all decisions about their appearance.

Appearance: hair, clothes, piercings, tattoos: what does the evidence say?

Your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.

AAP tells clinicians not to treat tattoos or piercings as a cry for help

Sources

What else is worth knowing?

Appearance is one of the first areas where teens assert themselves. Many parents separate what can be undone, like hair color, from what cannot, like tattoos. Laws set minimum ages for some of these.

Questions to ask each other

  • What are our rules and which are non-negotiable?
  • What would we say to a teen who wants a tattoo?
  • Which changes are the teen's to make?

More in The teen years

First published 2026-10-03. Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical advice.