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Manners

How much politeness you expect and teach: modeling it, prompting ("what do you say?"), requiring it, or formal etiquette.

How much do manners matter, and how do we teach them?

In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Model and wait; Prompt ("what do you say?"); Required (greetings, table manners, titles); Formal etiquette. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: toddler.

Evidence
Your call
Best settled
Toddler
Part of
The family system

Manners: what are the options?

Parents usually land on one of these 4 approaches.

  1. 1. Model and wait

    You use good manners yourself and trust the child to pick them up.

  2. 2. Prompt ("what do you say?")

    You remind the child in the moment.

  3. 3. Required (greetings, table manners, titles)

    The child must greet people, use table manners and address adults properly.

  4. 4. Formal etiquette

    The child is taught detailed rules of polite behavior.

Manners: what does the evidence say?

Your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.

No sources on approach; manners feature in 27% of grandparent disputes

Sources

What else is worth knowing?

Manners are the small courtesies a family expects, such as please, thank you and greeting people. Young children learn them mostly by copying. How firmly you require them varies with culture and upbringing.

Questions to ask each other

  • Which manners matter most to us?
  • How much do we correct in public?
  • What would we do when our child refuses?

More in Values, character and family culture

First published 2026-10-03. Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical advice.