When in pregnancy should we start?

Earlier is easier, because some before-baby decisions, such as parental leave, childcare and where to give birth, take time to arrange. You do not have to finish in one sitting.

Is this a parenting compatibility test for couples?

It can be used as one. If each of you answers separately first, Compare shows for each decision whether your two answers match and counts how many you already agree on. Most couples simply go through the decisions together.

What if we disagree on something important?

That is what the app is for. It shows the difference early, with the options and the evidence side by side, so you can talk before the decision is due. Each decision comes with questions to ask each other.

Do we both need an account?

No. You can start without one and your answers are saved in your browser. An account lets you keep your answers and open them on another device.

For expecting couples

For expecting couples: get aligned before the baby arrives

Pregnancy is the one stretch when you have time to talk before the decisions are due. Raising Your Child gives you both the same questions, so you find out where you already agree and where you need a conversation.

In short

98 of the 281 decisions in the app are best settled during pregnancy or at the birth. Go through them together, a few at a time. Start with the 16 cornerstone decisions at this stage, because they shape many of the others.

What tends to come up

Each of you assumes the other pictures the first months the same way.
Some choices have real deadlines, such as the birth plan, parental leave and the first vaccines.
Family will have opinions, and it helps to have agreed on yours first.
It is hard to know which questions to ask before you have done this once.

Decisions to start with

Each links to a page with the options parents choose between, how strong the evidence is, and questions to ask each other.

Major versus day-to-day decision rights
Which parenting decisions need both of you to agree (big ones like medical care or schools) and which can be made by whichever parent is on duty (what to wear, snack, nap).
4 options · Your call · During pregnancy
Family-of-origin reflection
Looking back at how each of you was raised and deciding which parts you want to repeat and which you want to do differently.
4 options · Your call · During pregnancy
Partnership model
How you divide work and care overall: one parent earning and one caring, a lead and a supporting parent, both working with outside help, or sharing equally.
5 options · Your call · During pregnancy
How leave is split
How the time off is divided between you: all by the birth parent, an overlap, a solo block for the other parent, or roughly equal.
4 options · Evidence leans one way · During pregnancy
Night duty
Who gets up with the baby overnight, to feed, change and settle, and whether you split it, alternate nights or share it.
5 options · Your call · During pregnancy
Milk source
What your baby drinks in the first months: breast milk (from the breast or a bottle), formula, or a mix.
4 options · Experts disagree · During pregnancy
Bed-sharing
Bed-sharing means your baby sleeps in the same bed as an adult.
4 options · Experts disagree · During pregnancy
First-year vaccine schedule
Which childhood vaccines your baby gets and on what timetable in the first year.
5 options · Guidance changing · During pregnancy
Who provides care in the first years
Who looks after your child during the day in the early years: a parent at home, both parents working with paid care, or family helping.
5 options · Your call · During pregnancy
Rules at the grandparents' house, and when they are ignored
What happens when grandparents follow different rules from yours about treats, screens, bedtimes or safety, and how you set boundaries.
3 options · Your call · During pregnancy

How to use it in your situation

1
Sit down together and choose Both at the top, so what you pick is recorded as your joint decision.
2
In Guided, choose “Before baby” and work through a few decisions at a time. Nothing you pick is final.
3
Mark what you have decided and flag the rest to talk about; Our plan keeps it on one page. If you would rather not sway each other, each of you can answer separately first, and Compare, under Our plan, shows where you match.

What it does not do

It does not replace a prenatal class, your midwife or your doctor. It is general information to help the two of you talk, not medical advice.

Questions

When in pregnancy should we start?: Earlier is easier, because some before-baby decisions, such as parental leave, childcare and where to give birth, take time to arrange. You do not have to finish in one sitting.
Is this a parenting compatibility test for couples?: It can be used as one. If each of you answers separately first, Compare shows for each decision whether your two answers match and counts how many you already agree on. Most couples simply go through the decisions together.
What if we disagree on something important?: That is what the app is for. It shows the difference early, with the options and the evidence side by side, so you can talk before the decision is due. Each decision comes with questions to ask each other.
Do we both need an account?: No. You can start without one and your answers are saved in your browser. An account lets you keep your answers and open them on another device.

In a different situation?

Last updated 2026-10-05. General information, not medical or legal advice.