# Manners

**How much do manners matter, and how do we teach them?**

How much politeness you expect and teach: modeling it, prompting ("what do you say?"), requiring it, or formal etiquette.

In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Model and wait; Prompt ("what do you say?"); Required (greetings, table manners, titles); Formal etiquette. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: toddler.

- Area: Values, character and family culture
- Evidence: Your call
- Best settled: Toddler
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/values-character-and-family-culture--manners

## Manners: what are the options?

1. **Model and wait**: You use good manners yourself and trust the child to pick them up.
2. **Prompt ("what do you say?")**: You remind the child in the moment.
3. **Required (greetings, table manners, titles)**: The child must greet people, use table manners and address adults properly.
4. **Formal etiquette**: The child is taught detailed rules of polite behavior.

## Manners: what does the evidence say?

**Your call.** No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.

No sources on approach; manners feature in 27% of grandparent disputes

Sources:

- [Mott Poll](https://mottpoll.org/reports/when-parents-and-grandparents-disagree)

## What else is worth knowing?

Manners are the small courtesies a family expects, such as please, thank you and greeting people. Young children learn them mostly by copying. How firmly you require them varies with culture and upbringing.

## Questions to ask each other

- Which manners matter most to us?
- How much do we correct in public?
- What would we do when our child refuses?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=values-character-and-family-culture&topic=values-character-and-family-culture--manners