# Honesty standard for parents

**Is it okay for parents to lie to their children?**

How truthful you are with your child, including myths and small lies: never lying, only kind fictions, white lies, or lying to get compliance.

In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Never lie, including myths; Myths and kind fictions only; White lies acceptable; Lies to gain compliance acceptable. Evidence: evidence leans one way. Research or guidance points in a direction, but it's thin, small or correlational. Best settled: toddler.

- Area: Values, character and family culture
- Evidence: Evidence leans one way
- Best settled: Toddler
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/values-character-and-family-culture--honesty-standard-for-parents

## Honesty standard for parents: what are the options?

1. **Never lie, including myths**: You never tell the child anything untrue, including Santa.
2. **Myths and kind fictions only**: You allow childhood myths and gentle fictions, and nothing else.
3. **White lies acceptable**: Small untruths that spare feelings are fine.
4. **Lies to gain compliance acceptable**: You will say something untrue to get the child to cooperate, such as "the park is closed".

## Honesty standard for parents: what does the evidence say?

**Evidence leans one way.** Research or guidance points in a direction, but it's thin, small or correlational.

Most parents report lying to children; researchers caution that false threats may erode trust, on correlational evidence

Sources:

- [APS Observer](https://www.psychologicalscience.org/publications/observer/teaching-current-directions-parenting-by-lying.html)

## What else is worth knowing?

Most parents tell children small untruths, from Santa to saying the shop is closed. Some hold a strict rule against it. What you agree here also sets what you expect from each other in front of the child.

## Questions to ask each other

- What lies did we hear as children and what did they teach us?
- Are white lies ever okay in front of our child?
- How would we explain it if we get caught in one?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=values-character-and-family-culture&topic=values-character-and-family-culture--honesty-standard-for-parents