# Gratitude, thank-you notes and tact

**How do we teach gratitude, and should we require thank-you notes?**

How you teach thanks and kindness about gifts: modeling it, a daily gratitude habit, required thank-you notes, or honest kindness.

In short: Parents choose between 6 main approaches: Model only; Daily gratitude ritual; Required notes or calls; No forced thanks; strict truth; Kind honesty; Polite white lies. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: preschool.

- Area: Values, character and family culture
- Evidence: Your call
- Best settled: Preschool
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/values-character-and-family-culture--gratitude-thank-you-notes-and-tact

## Gratitude, thank-you notes and tact: what are the options?

1. **Model only**: You show gratitude yourself and do not ask it of the child.
2. **Daily gratitude ritual**: Each day the family names something they are thankful for.
3. **Required notes or calls**: The child must write or phone to say thank you for gifts.
4. **No forced thanks; strict truth**: You do not make the child say thank you, and the child always says what is true.
5. **Kind honesty**: The child tells the truth in a gentle way.
6. **Polite white lies**: The child may say they like a gift when they do not.

## Gratitude, thank-you notes and tact: what does the evidence say?

**Your call.** No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.

Daily gratitude rituals are recommended by Harvard's caring project; no child evidence on mandatory notes

Sources:

- [Making Caring Common](https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/resources-for-families/7-tips-raising-caring-kids)

## What else is worth knowing?

This covers two things: how you teach thankfulness, and how you handle the gap between honesty and kindness. A child who dislikes a gift tests both. Families differ on whether politeness justifies a small untruth.

## Questions to ask each other

- How did we say thank you growing up?
- What would we say when our child dislikes a gift?
- How do we teach kindness without lying?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=values-character-and-family-culture&topic=values-character-and-family-culture--gratitude-thank-you-notes-and-tact