# Bullying and friendships

**What do we do if our child is bullied, or is the bully?**

How you respond to bullying and friendship problems: coaching your child, monitoring, going to the school, or changing the setting.

In short: Parents choose between 7 main approaches: Coach the child to handle it; Coach and monitor; Go to the school; Change the setting; hands-off on friends; Engineer opportunities; Coach social skills; Veto power. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: school age.

- Area: Values, character and family culture
- Evidence: Your call
- Best settled: School age
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/values-character-and-family-culture--bullying-and-friendships

## Bullying and friendships: what are the options?

1. **Coach the child to handle it**: You teach the child what to say and do, and let them handle it.
2. **Coach and monitor**: You teach the child and keep watch.
3. **Go to the school**: You raise it with the teacher or principal.
4. **Change the setting; hands-off on friends**: You move the child to another class or school. On friendships, you do not get involved.
5. **Engineer opportunities**: You arrange playdates and activities to help friendships form.
6. **Coach social skills**: You teach the child how to join in and get along.
7. **Veto power**: You can end a friendship you think is harmful.

## Bullying and friendships: what does the evidence say?

**Your call.** No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.

No guidance retrieved; 35% of US parents are very worried about bullying

Sources:

- [Pew](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/01/24/parenting-in-america-today/)

## What else is worth knowing?

Bullying is repeated, deliberate harm by someone with more power. Parents choose when to coach the child and when to go to the school. A related question is how much you shape your child's friendships at all.

## Questions to ask each other

- Were we bullied or did we bully?
- What would we do if our child is the target, and if our child is doing it?
- When would we call the school?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=values-character-and-family-culture&topic=values-character-and-family-culture--bullying-and-friendships