# Sex education: message

**What do we want to teach our child about sex?**

What you tell your teen about sex: abstinence, delaying while knowing about contraception, comprehensive and consent-focused, or a readiness-based approach.

In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Abstinence; Delay encouraged plus full contraception information; Comprehensive, consent-inclusive; "when you are ready" normalization (the Dutch model). Evidence: well established. Guidance and evidence agree. The real question is whether you'll follow it. Best settled: tween.

- Area: The teen years
- Evidence: Well established
- Best settled: Tween
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/the-teen-years--sex-education-message

## Sex education: message: what are the options?

1. **Abstinence**: You teach that sex should wait, usually until marriage.
2. **Delay encouraged plus full contraception information**: You encourage waiting and also explain contraception fully.
3. **Comprehensive, consent-inclusive**: You cover bodies, contraception, consent, relationships and pleasure.
4. **"when you are ready" normalization (the Dutch model)**: You treat teenage sexuality as normal and focus on readiness and care, as is common in the Netherlands.

## Sex education: message: what does the evidence say?

**Well established.** Guidance and evidence agree. The real question is whether you'll follow it. (Settled against abstinence-only)

Abstinence-only is ineffective; delay plus contraception information works

Sources:

- [UNESCO guidance](https://www.unfpa.org/sites/default/files/pub-pdf/ITGSE.pdf)

## What else is worth knowing?

This is about what you want your child to hear from you about sex. Research finds that comprehensive education does not lead teens to have sex earlier, and that abstinence-only programs do not delay it. The values you attach are yours to choose.

## Questions to ask each other

- What do we want our teenager to know about sex, consent and contraception?
- How do we handle values we hold alongside giving full information?
- What would we say if they ask us whether we waited?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=the-teen-years&topic=the-teen-years--sex-education-message