# Each parent's own time and identity

**How does each of us keep time for ourselves as a parent?**

How each of you keeps time for friends, hobbies, exercise or simply being alone, and whether that time is protected, requested, or put on hold.

In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: On hold in the early years; Equal protected hours; Ask as needed; Buy care to create it. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: around the birth.

- Area: Roles, work and the couple
- Evidence: Your call
- Best settled: Around the birth
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/roles-work-and-the-couple--each-parent-s-own-time-and-identity

## Each parent's own time and identity: what are the options?

1. **On hold in the early years**: Personal time waits until the children are older.
2. **Equal protected hours**: Each of you gets the same amount of guaranteed time off each week.
3. **Ask as needed**: Either of you asks for time when you need it.
4. **Buy care to create it**: You pay for childcare so both of you get time.

## Each parent's own time and identity: what does the evidence say?

**Your call.** No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.

Husbands report more leisure than wives even in equal-earner marriages

Sources:

- [Pew](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/04/13/in-a-growing-share-of-u-s-marriages-husbands-and-wives-earn-about-the-same/)

## What else is worth knowing?

Time for friends, exercise, interests or rest is easy to lose with a baby, and often one parent loses more. Agreeing how personal time is protected keeps resentment from building. It also models for a child that adults have lives of their own.

## Questions to ask each other

- What do you need to keep doing to still feel like yourself?
- How much time alone or with friends would feel reasonable each week?
- How do we make sure both of us get it, not just whoever asks?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=roles-work-and-the-couple&topic=roles-work-and-the-couple--each-parent-s-own-time-and-identity