# Achievement pressure

**How hard should we push our child to achieve?**

How hard you will push your child to excel at school, sports or music, from letting them lead to holding very high expectations.

In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Child-led, low pressure; Supportive high expectations; Structured push; Tiger. Evidence: evidence leans one way. Research or guidance points in a direction, but it's thin, small or correlational. Best settled: school age.

- Area: Parenting philosophy and goals
- Evidence: Evidence leans one way
- Best settled: School age
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/parenting-philosophy-and-goals--achievement-pressure

## Achievement pressure: what are the options?

1. **Child-led, low pressure**: Your child decides how far to go; you do not push.
2. **Supportive high expectations**: You expect a lot and give plenty of support, without harsh pressure.
3. **Structured push**: You set goals, schedules and practice routines to keep them improving.
4. **Tiger**: Very high expectations, strict rules and enforced practice, with achievement as the priority.

## Achievement pressure: what does the evidence say?

**Evidence leans one way.** Research or guidance points in a direction, but it's thin, small or correlational.

Supportive beats harsh pressure; students in high-achieving schools show elevated anxiety and substance use

Sources:

- [Kim et al.](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/236640111_Does_Tiger_Parenting_Exist_Parenting_Profiles_of_Chinese_Americans_and_Adolescent_Developmental_Outcomes)
- [Luthar](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s42844-020-00009-3)

## What else is worth knowing?

This is about how much you expect and how hard you push, in school, sports, music and anything else. High expectations can show belief in a child or become pressure, depending on how they are held. Couples often differ here more than they expect.

## Questions to ask each other

- How do you feel about report cards and trophies, and where did you get that feeling?
- How would we react if our child were happy but average at something we care about?
- How much do we want to push when our child wants to quit?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=parenting-philosophy-and-goals&topic=parenting-philosophy-and-goals--achievement-pressure