# If we separate

**How would we co-parent if we separated?**

Agreeing in advance on the principles you would follow if you ever separated, such as putting your child first and using mediation before court, and whether to write them down.

In short: Parents choose between 3 main approaches: Not discussed; Shared principles (child first, mediation before court); Written agreement. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: ongoing.

- Area: Legal, financial and "what if" planning
- Evidence: Your call
- Best settled: Ongoing
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/legal-financial-and-what-if-planning--if-we-separate

## If we separate: what are the options?

1. **Not discussed**: You have not talked about it.
2. **Shared principles (child first, mediation before court)**: You have agreed on basics, such as putting the child first and trying mediation before going to court.
3. **Written agreement**: You have a signed document setting out what would happen.

## If we separate: what does the evidence say?

**Your call.** No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.

Courts require a dispute-resolution step; Triple P has a separate program for family transitions )

Sources:

- [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triple_P_(parenting_program)

## What else is worth knowing?

No couple expects to separate, and some do. Agreeing in calm times on how you would treat each other and the child can make a great difference. This can be a short conversation about principles.

## Questions to ask each other

- What principles would we agree on to keep our child first?
- Would we want to commit to mediation before court?
- Would writing it down feel hopeful or frightening?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=legal-financial-and-what-if-planning&topic=legal-financial-and-what-if-planning--if-we-separate