# Tie-breaking when we disagree

**What do we do when we disagree about a parenting decision?**

What you will do when you each want something different and neither will budge. Agreeing on a way to break the tie beforehand keeps a disagreement from becoming a standoff.

In short: Parents choose between 5 main approaches: Whoever cares or knows most; Domain owner; The more cautious option; A third party (pediatrician, agreed book); Trial period, then revisit. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: during pregnancy.

- Area: How we decide together
- Evidence: Your call
- Best settled: During pregnancy
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/how-we-decide-together--tie-breaking-when-we-disagree

## Tie-breaking when we disagree: what are the options?

1. **Whoever cares or knows most**: The decision goes to whichever of you feels more strongly or knows more about it.
2. **Domain owner**: Whoever is responsible for that area of family life makes the call.
3. **The more cautious option**: When you cannot agree, you choose the safer or more reversible option.
4. **A third party (pediatrician, agreed book)**: You ask someone you both trust, such as the pediatrician, or follow a book you agreed on.
5. **Trial period, then revisit**: You try one approach for a set time, then look at how it went and decide again.

## Tie-breaking when we disagree: what does the evidence say?

**Your call.** No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.

Parenting plans require a dispute step before court; no outcome research gathered

## What else is worth knowing?

Some disagreements will not resolve by talking, especially when you are tired. A tie-break rule decides in advance how the decision gets made, so that neither of you simply wins by caring more loudly. Different rules can apply to different areas.

## Questions to ask each other

- What has helped us settle disagreements before, and what has made them worse?
- Would we rather defer to whoever knows more, try one option for a month, or ask a third person?
- How will we know when a disagreement is important enough to slow down for?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=how-we-decide-together&topic=how-we-decide-together--tie-breaking-when-we-disagree