# Default source of guidance

**Whose parenting advice do we follow when sources disagree?**

Who or what you each trust when advice conflicts: your pediatrician, the official guidelines, a researcher or book, or your own judgment. It decides how you settle most factual questions later.

In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Follow the pediatric society by default; Guidance as a starting point, weigh our own trade-offs (Oster style); Prefer bright-line rules over judgment frameworks; Skeptical or alternative-first. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: during pregnancy.

- Area: How we decide together
- Evidence: Your call
- Best settled: During pregnancy
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/how-we-decide-together--default-source-of-guidance

## Default source of guidance: what are the options?

1. **Follow the pediatric society by default**: When in doubt, you do what the official pediatric guidelines say.
2. **Guidance as a starting point, weigh our own trade-offs (Oster style)**: You read the guidelines, then weigh the evidence and your own situation, as the economist Emily Oster suggests.
3. **Prefer bright-line rules over judgment frameworks**: You prefer clear rules, such as fixed limits, over case-by-case judgment.
4. **Skeptical or alternative-first**: You are wary of mainstream advice and look first to alternative or natural approaches.

## Default source of guidance: what does the evidence say?

**Your call.** No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.

No evidence on which stance works better; bodies themselves differ in format (WHO and CPS give numbers, AAP gives frameworks)

## What else is worth knowing?

Advice comes from pediatricians, official bodies, books, relatives and the internet, and it often conflicts. Agreeing on what you each treat as the default source saves you from re-arguing every question. It also shows where you are comfortable going your own way.

## Questions to ask each other

- When two experts disagree, who do we each trust and why?
- How much do we want to read and research ourselves versus follow our pediatrician?
- What would make us change our mind about something we already decided?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=how-we-decide-together&topic=how-we-decide-together--default-source-of-guidance