# Unsolicited advice and who manages whose family

**How do we handle unsolicited parenting advice from family?**

How you respond when relatives give advice you did not ask for, and who speaks to whose family when something needs to be said.

In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Welcome it; Listen, then decide privately; Each parent manages their own family; Explicit boundary. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: during pregnancy.

- Area: Extended family and community
- Evidence: Your call
- Best settled: During pregnancy
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/extended-family-and-community--unsolicited-advice-and-who-manages-whose-family

## Unsolicited advice and who manages whose family: what are the options?

1. **Welcome it**: You are glad to hear relatives' advice.
2. **Listen, then decide privately**: You hear them out and make your own decision later.
3. **Each parent manages their own family**: Each of you deals with your own parents and relatives.
4. **Explicit boundary**: You tell relatives clearly that you are not asking for advice.

## Unsolicited advice and who manages whose family: what does the evidence say?

**Your call.** No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.

44% of parents feel judged by their own parents and 41% by their in-laws

Sources:

- [Pew](https://www.pewresearch.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/20/2023/01/PST_2023.01.24_parenting_REPORT.pdf)

## What else is worth knowing?

New parents receive a lot of advice they did not ask for. A common arrangement is that each of you handles your own family. Agreeing on this prevents one of you feeling unsupported.

## Questions to ask each other

- How do we each handle advice from our own parents?
- Who will speak to whom when there is a problem?
- What boundary would we set?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=extended-family-and-community&topic=extended-family-and-community--unsolicited-advice-and-who-manages-whose-family