# Building a village

**How do we build a support network as parents?**

How you build a support network beyond family: paid help, swaps with friends and neighbors, parent groups, or an intentional community.

In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Nuclear self-reliance; Paid help; Swaps with friends and neighbours, parent groups; Intentional community. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: during pregnancy.

- Area: Extended family and community
- Evidence: Your call
- Best settled: During pregnancy
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/extended-family-and-community--building-a-village

## Building a village: what are the options?

1. **Nuclear self-reliance**: The two of you manage without outside help.
2. **Paid help**: You pay for help such as a sitter, cleaner or night nurse.
3. **Swaps with friends and neighbours, parent groups**: You trade childcare and favors with friends and neighbors, and join parent groups.
4. **Intentional community**: You live in or build a close community that shares childcare and daily life.

## Building a village: what does the evidence say?

**Your call.** No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.

Burnout is higher where parents carry the load with less shared support

Sources:

- [Roskam et al.](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7970748/)

## What else is worth knowing?

A village is the network of people who help you raise a child. Without nearby family, parents build one from friends, neighbors, paid help or parent groups. It takes effort to set up, ideally before you need it.

## Questions to ask each other

- Who is in our village now?
- How could we build one with friends and neighbors?
- What help would we be comfortable asking for?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=extended-family-and-community&topic=extended-family-and-community--building-a-village