# Yelling and harsh words

**What do we do about yelling at our child?**

Whether you raise your voice or use harsh words when frustrated, and what you do afterward.

In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Never raise a voice; Loud only for safety; It happens, then repair; An accepted tool. Evidence: well established. Guidance and evidence agree. The real question is whether you'll follow it. Best settled: toddler.

- Area: Discipline and behavior
- Evidence: Well established
- Best settled: Toddler
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/discipline-and-behavior--yelling-and-harsh-words

## Yelling and harsh words: what are the options?

1. **Never raise a voice**: You aim never to shout.
2. **Loud only for safety**: You raise your voice only to stop danger.
3. **It happens, then repair**: You accept that you will sometimes shout, and you apologize and reconnect afterward.
4. **An accepted tool**: Shouting is a normal part of discipline in your home.

## Yelling and harsh words: what does the evidence say?

**Well established.** Guidance and evidence agree. The real question is whether you'll follow it. (Settled against shaming; yelling-then-repair is values)

AAP: harsh verbal discipline does not work and does harm; at 13 it predicted more conduct problems and depressive symptoms

Sources:

- [HealthyChildren.org](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/Disciplining-Your-Child.aspx)
- [Wang & Kenny](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/cdev.12143)

## What else is worth knowing?

Almost every parent raises their voice sometimes. Pediatric guidance advises against shaming and harsh verbal discipline. What you do afterward, such as apologizing and reconnecting, is as much a part of the choice as whether you shout.

## Questions to ask each other

- What does yelling look like in each of our families?
- What do we do when we lose our temper?
- How would we want to repair it with our child afterward?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=discipline-and-behavior&topic=discipline-and-behavior--yelling-and-harsh-words