# Who disciplines

**Which parent should handle discipline?**

Whether one parent is the disciplinarian, whoever is present handles it, or each parent does it in their own way.

In short: Parents choose between 3 main approaches: One designated disciplinarian; Whoever is present; Each parent in their own style. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: toddler.

- Area: Discipline and behavior
- Evidence: Your call
- Best settled: Toddler
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/discipline-and-behavior--who-disciplines

## Who disciplines: what are the options?

1. **One designated disciplinarian**: One of you handles discipline.
2. **Whoever is present**: Whichever parent is there deals with it.
3. **Each parent in their own style**: Each of you disciplines in your own way.

## Who disciplines: what does the evidence say?

**Your call.** No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.

Discipline is the one task both mothers (53%) and fathers (51%) say is shared equally

Sources:

- [Pew](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/01/24/gender-and-parenting/)

## What else is worth knowing?

In some couples one parent becomes the enforcer and the other the soft one, which can strain both. Children also notice quickly who will say yes. Deciding how you share this avoids one of you becoming the bad guy.

## Questions to ask each other

- Who do we think will end up being the stricter one and is that okay?
- How will we avoid one parent becoming the bad guy?
- What do we do when we handle it differently?

---

General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=discipline-and-behavior&topic=discipline-and-behavior--who-disciplines