# Time-out or time-in

**Should we use time-outs or time-ins?**

How you respond when a child is out of control: a time-out (the child is separated for a short time), a time-in (you stay with them and talk), or something else.

In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Structured time-out (AAP, CDC); Calm-down space the child can choose; Time-in with a parent present (CPS, Positive Discipline); No separation, stay and hold the limit (Kennedy, Lansbury). Evidence: experts disagree. Credible bodies or researchers disagree — decide whose guidance you'll weigh. Best settled: toddler.

- Area: Discipline and behavior
- Evidence: Experts disagree
- Best settled: Toddler
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/discipline-and-behavior--time-out-or-time-in

## Time-out or time-in: what are the options?

1. **Structured time-out (AAP, CDC)**: The child sits alone in a set spot for a short, fixed time after breaking a rule.
2. **Calm-down space the child can choose**: There is a quiet corner the child can go to when they need to calm down.
3. **Time-in with a parent present (CPS, Positive Discipline)**: You sit with the child and talk about what happened until they are calm.
4. **No separation, stay and hold the limit (Kennedy, Lansbury)**: You stay close, keep the limit, and do not send the child away.

## Time-out or time-in: what does the evidence say?

**Experts disagree.** Credible bodies or researchers disagree — decide whose guidance you'll weigh.

AAP: time-outs work best when a specific rule is broken, with a warning first, few words and little emotion, about one minute per year of age, and only for children of at least 3. CPS (posted 2019, reaffirmed April 2025) prefers time-ins, where a caregiver sits with the child and talks through feelings, but says that need not rule out selective time-outs for specific misbehavior in children over 3. A 2025 study found correctly used time-out associated with better mental health and attachment, and misuse with worse

Sources:

- [AAP, 2018](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/Disciplining-Your-Child.aspx)
- [CPS](https://cps.ca/en/documents/position/positive-parenting)
- [British Journal of Psychiatry](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12355463/)

## What else is worth knowing?

A time-out removes the child from attention for a short time; a time-in keeps the parent close while the child calms down. Pediatric bodies differ on which they prefer. Both are for children old enough to understand, usually from about three.

## Questions to ask each other

- What did your parents do when you were out of control, and did it work?
- Which feels more natural to you, separating or staying together?
- What will we do if one of us prefers each?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=discipline-and-behavior&topic=discipline-and-behavior--time-out-or-time-in