# Tantrums

**How should we handle tantrums?**

How you respond when a toddler has a meltdown: ignoring it, staying nearby, helping them name the feeling, distracting them, or giving in.

In short: Parents choose between 5 main approaches: Planned ignoring (CDC); Stay nearby, quiet and available; Actively co-regulate and name feelings (CPS); Distract; Give in. Evidence: experts disagree. Credible bodies or researchers disagree — decide whose guidance you'll weigh. Best settled: toddler.

- Area: Discipline and behavior
- Evidence: Experts disagree
- Best settled: Toddler
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/discipline-and-behavior--tantrums

## Tantrums: what are the options?

1. **Planned ignoring (CDC)**: You deliberately pay no attention until the tantrum ends.
2. **Stay nearby, quiet and available**: You stay close and calm without talking much.
3. **Actively co-regulate and name feelings (CPS)**: You help the child calm down and put words to what they feel.
4. **Distract**: You shift the child's attention to something else.
5. **Give in**: You let the child have what they wanted.

## Tantrums: what does the evidence say?

**Experts disagree.** Credible bodies or researchers disagree — decide whose guidance you'll weigh.

CDC and AAP endorse ignoring minor misbehavior; CPS and Kennedy favor staying close

Sources:

- [CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/discipline-consequences/ignoring.html)

## What else is worth knowing?

Tantrums are common in toddlers, who have strong feelings and few words. Some approaches say to ignore them so they are not rewarded; others say to stay close and help the child calm down. Giving in tends to teach that tantrums work.

## Questions to ask each other

- How did our own parents handle tantrums?
- What would we do in the supermarket if our toddler melted down?
- What can we do beforehand to make tantrums less likely?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=discipline-and-behavior&topic=discipline-and-behavior--tantrums