# Lying

**What do we do when our child lies?**

How you respond when a child lies: punishing the lie, giving credit for honesty, making truth-telling safe, or treating it as normal development.

In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Punish the lie; Consequence for the act, credit for honesty; Make truth-telling safe and explain why honesty matters; Treat as developmental. Evidence: evidence leans one way. Research or guidance points in a direction, but it's thin, small or correlational. Best settled: preschool.

- Area: Discipline and behavior
- Evidence: Evidence leans one way
- Best settled: Preschool
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/discipline-and-behavior--lying

## Lying: what are the options?

1. **Punish the lie**: Lying itself is punished.
2. **Consequence for the act, credit for honesty**: The misbehavior has a consequence, and telling the truth reduces it.
3. **Make truth-telling safe and explain why honesty matters**: You make it safe to tell the truth and talk about why honesty matters.
4. **Treat as developmental**: You see lying as a normal stage, especially in young children.

## Lying: what does the evidence say?

**Evidence leans one way.** Research or guidance points in a direction, but it's thin, small or correlational. (Leans (few studies))

Threats of punishment do not deter lying; appeals to honesty's value work better

Sources:

- [McGill](https://www.mcgill.ca/newsroom/channels/news/punishing-kids-lying-just-doesn%E2%80%99t-work-240604)

## What else is worth knowing?

Young children lie as they learn the difference between what is real and what they wish. Punishing lies harshly can teach children to hide things better. Many parents focus on making it safe to tell the truth.

## Questions to ask each other

- How do we each react to a lie, and why?
- How do we want our child to feel about telling us the truth?
- What lies do we tell, and what do they learn from them?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=discipline-and-behavior&topic=discipline-and-behavior--lying