# Backtalk

**How should we respond to backtalk?**

How you respond when a child answers back or speaks disrespectfully: zero tolerance, correcting the tone, or letting some of it go.

In short: Parents choose between 3 main approaches: Zero tolerance; Acknowledge the feeling, correct the tone; Ignore the tone. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: school age.

- Area: Discipline and behavior
- Evidence: Your call
- Best settled: School age
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/discipline-and-behavior--backtalk

## Backtalk: what are the options?

1. **Zero tolerance**: Answering back is never allowed.
2. **Acknowledge the feeling, correct the tone**: You accept the feeling behind it and ask for a respectful tone.
3. **Ignore the tone**: You let the tone go and respond to the content.

## Backtalk: what does the evidence say?

**Your call.** No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.

No outcome research gathered on this yet — treat it as a preference.

## What else is worth knowing?

Answering back is common as children test independence. Families differ on where a child having an opinion ends and disrespect begins. Naming your line in advance helps you respond consistently.

## Questions to ask each other

- What counts as disrespect to us, and what is just a child having an opinion?
- How did we respond to our own parents back then?
- What would we do the first time our child tells us no with an attitude?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=discipline-and-behavior&topic=discipline-and-behavior--backtalk