# Apologies

**Should we make our child say sorry?**

Whether you require a child to say sorry on the spot, coach them to, model it, or leave it to them.

In short: Parents choose between 4 main approaches: Require one on the spot; Prompt and coach, do not force; Model and make amends later; Leave to the child. Evidence: your call. No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide. Best settled: preschool.

- Area: Discipline and behavior
- Evidence: Your call
- Best settled: Preschool
- First published: 2026-10-03
- Last updated: 2026-10-05
- Page: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/topics/discipline-and-behavior--apologies

## Apologies: what are the options?

1. **Require one on the spot**: The child must say sorry right away.
2. **Prompt and coach, do not force**: You suggest and help with an apology but do not insist.
3. **Model and make amends later**: You show how to apologize yourself and help the child make up for it later.
4. **Leave to the child**: The child decides whether and when to apologize.

## Apologies: what does the evidence say?

**Your call.** No outcome evidence picks a winner. Preference, culture, money and logistics decide.

Children aged 4-9 did not see coerced apologies as sincere

Sources:

- [University of Michigan](https://news.umich.edu/parents-take-a-timeout-before-you-force-your-child-to-apologize)

## What else is worth knowing?

A forced sorry may teach the words without the feeling. Others see the ritual itself as part of learning manners. Showing a child how to make amends is another route.

## Questions to ask each other

- Do we want our child to say sorry even if they do not mean it?
- How do we model apologizing ourselves?
- What would we do if our child refuses?

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General information, not medical advice. Two parents can each answer this and compare: https://www.raisingyourchild.com/explore?cat=discipline-and-behavior&topic=discipline-and-behavior--apologies